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Home The Ranch Hands News and Stories Dugg's Corner of the World Country Music & Western Heroes Western Swing News The Ranch Online Tradin' Post Map E-Mail Dugg's Corner of the World Readings from Dugg Collins morning show- AM 1070 - THE RANCH Women Sent to me by Michael Lanning By the time the Lord made women, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An Angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on thisone?"And the Lord answered and said, "Have you seen the spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have 200 movable parts, all replaceable, run on black coffee and leftovers, have a lap that can hold three children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart, and have six pairs of hands." The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. Six pairs ofhands! NoWay!", "And that's just on the standard model?" the Angel asked. TheAngel tried to stop the Lord. "This is too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish." But I can't!", the Lord protested, "I am so close to finishing thiscreation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hr days. The Angel moved closer and touched the woman, "but you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft", the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough.You have noidea what she can endure or accomplish.""Will she be able to think?", asked the Angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason, and negotiate." The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak with this model. I told you that you were trying toput too much into this one." "That's not a leak," the Lord objected,"that's a tear!" "What's the tear for?" the Angel asked. The Lord said, "The tear is herway of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride." The Angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything, for women are truly amazing." Women have strengths that amaze men. They endure hardships, they carry burdens but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up for injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have a lot to say and alot to give. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THINGS IT TOOK ME OVER FIFTY YEARS TO LEARN !!! 1 - Never, ever take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night. 2 - The one word which defines why the human race has never (and never will) reached its full potential is "meetings". 3 - The line between "hobby" and "mental illness" is too fine to be seen. 4 - When people want to share their religious views with you, they DO NOT want you to share yours with them. 5 - When God (whatever form he takes in your religion) decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will NOT use some TV talking head on television with a bad hair style as His messenger. 6 - Never confuse life with your career. 7 - When serious trouble arises and things are bleak, there is always an individual who claims to have "the" solution and takes charge. Usually that person is crazy. 8 - No matter what happens, someone will discover how to take it too seriously. 9 - Nobody really cares that you can't dance too well .... Just get up and dance. 10 - Never, ever, lick a steak knife. 11 - Take the fortune out before you eat the cookie. 12 - The single most powerful and destructive force in the universe is gossip. 13 - There never has been and never will be a clear and compelling reason for the observation of "Daylight Saving" time. 14 - Never say ANYTHING that will remotely suggest a woman is pregnant until she has the baby in her arms. 15- The single "thing" that unites ALL humans, is the deep inner belief that we each have --- we ALL believe that we are far above average drivers. 16 - The only true accomplishment of an organized protest is to annoy those who are not a part of it. 17 - A person who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter or waitress, is simply not a nice person. 18 - If you can count your TRUE friends on more than four fingers, you are truly a wealthy person. 19 - Your TRUE friends love you anyway. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Veterans' Day (Second Monday in November) In 1918, on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day in the eleventh month, the world rejoiced and celebrated. After four years of bitter war, the Allied powers a signed a cease-fire agreement (an armistice) with Germany in France on November 11, 1918, bringing World War I to a close. The "war to end all wars" was over. November 11, 1919 was set aside as Armistice Day in the United States, to remember the sacrifices that men and women made during World War I in order to ensure a lasting peace. On Armistice Day, soldiers who survived the war marched in a parade through their home towns. Politicians and veteran officers gave speeches and held ceremonies of thanks for the peace they had won. Armistice Day officially received its name in the United States in 1926 through a Congressional resolution. It became a national holiday 12 years later. Congress voted Armistice Day a federal holiday in 1938, 20 years after the war ended. But Americans realized that the previous war would not be the last one. World War II began the following year and nations great and small again participated in a bloody struggle. After the Second World War, Armistice Day continued to be observed on November 11. In 1953 townspeople in Emporia, Kansas called the holiday Veterans' Day in gratitude to the veterans in their town. Soon after, Congress passed a bill introduced by a Kansas congressman renaming the federal holiday to Veterans' Day. Beginning in 1954, the United States designated November 11 as Veterans Day to honor veterans of all U.S. wars. 1971 President Nixon declared it a federal holiday on the second Monday in November. Americans still give thanks for peace on Veterans' Day. There are ceremonies and speeches and at 11:00 in the morning, most Americans observe a moment of silence, remembering those who fought for peace. Veterans of military service organized support groups such as the American Legion and Veterans of Foreign Wars. On Veterans' Day and Memorial Day, these groups raise funds for their charitable activitiesand when I was a kid, they sold paper poppies made by disabled veterans. This bright red wildflower became a symbol of World War I after a bloody battle in a field of poppies called Flanders Field in Belgium. Nobody likes war, we never have. But when the call to duty comes to defend this great country of our, thank God, we still have men and women who gladly answer that call to keep us free and our beautiful Red, White and Blue Flag flying. We can not say, "thank you" enough for all you have done for this Nation and freedom causes around the world. Since 9-1-1- of 2001, we face another kind of war.We have to deal with an enemy who is cowardly and chooses to crash planes into our symbols of Freedom and Prosperity, into the heart of our national defense and yes, even into our beautiful White House, had it not been for those brave souls on that flight over Pennsylvania who brought that plane to the ground by giving their own lives. This enemy that is not seen on a battlefield, but one who choses to take innocent lives by cowardly acts of aggression around the world. But rest assured, in the end,the United States of America will prevail, no matter the cost or the loss because we know what freedom means and we have the courage to defend it.God Bless America and God Bless our Veterans. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Unknown Soldier Armistice Day was observed all over the United States by veteran's parades, public services both religious and secular, with two minutes of silence to honor the dead. In 1920, the British Unknown Soldier was buried in Westminster Abbey, the burial place of kings and queens; that same year a French Unknown Soldier was interredParis, where a perpetual flame burns. In 1921, the American Unknown Soldier, symbolizing all the unknown dead, was chosen in an unusual way. Six soldiers of the American Army of Occupation in Germany were selected from different sectors to act as pallbearers. They were interviewed by General Rogers. Next day, Sergeant Edward F. Younger of the 59th Infantry was asked to make a choice among four caskets, with unidentified bodies disinterred from American cemeteries.When the sergeant was ready to perform his solemn duty, he received a bouquet of white roses, with instructions to proceed into the City Hall at Chalons, where the four caskets stood. Sergeant Younger realized fully the grave importance of his action; and after bowing his head, he walked around the coffins three times. On the fourth round, he seemed involuntarily drawn to the second one. Reverently, he laid the roses on it, saluted and reported to his commanding officer that he had accomplished his mission. The body of the Unknown Soldier was brought home on the cruiser, Olympia, reaching Washington, D.C., on November 9, 1921. For three days thousands of people passed by as the body lay in state in the rotunda of the Capitol. For this important Armistice Day in 1921, President Harding requested that flags be flown from sunrise to sunset at half mast, and that all Americans pay silent tribute as the casket was lowered into the tomb at 11 A.M. on November 11, 1921. There were elaborate ceremonies. High army, navy, and other service personnel, along with diplomats, who had followed the caisson to Arlington, heard the President's address. Many wreaths came from all over our country, and from abroad, these were placed on the plain white marble tomb, on which isinscribed these words: Here rests, in honored glory,An American Soldier Known but to God. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A PIECE OF CAKE A little boy is telling his Grandma how everything is going wrong. School, family problems, severe health problems, etc. Meanwhile, Grandma is baking a cake. She asks her grandson if he would like a snack, which, of course, he does. "Here, have some cooking oil." "Yuck" says the boy. "How about a couple raw eggs?" "Gross, Grandma!" "Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?" "Grandma, those are all yucky!" To which Grandma replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! God works the same way. Many times we wonder why he would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful! God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- KEEPERS: Some things you keep. Like good teeth. Warm coats.Bald husbands. They're good for you, reliable and practical and so sublime that to throw them away would make the garbage man a thief. So you hang on, because something old is sometimes better thansomething new, and what you know is often better than a stranger. These are my thoughts, they make me sound old, old and tame, and dull at a time when everybody else is risky and racy and flashing all that's new and improved in their lives. New careers, new thighs, new lips, and new cars. The world is dizzy with trade-ins. I could keep track, but I don't think I want to. I grew up in the fifties with practical parents - a mother, God bless her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. A father who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones. They weren't poor, my parents, they were just satisfied. Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers and tee shirt and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in his hand, dishtowel in hers. It was a time for fixing things - a curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things you keep. It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, re-heating, re-newing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant there'd always be more. But then my father died, and on that clear autumn night, in the chill of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any 'more.' Sometimes what you care about most gets all used up and goes away, never to return. So, while you have it, it's best to love it and care for it and fix it when it's broken and heal it when it's sick. That's true for marriage and old cars and children with bad report cards and dogs with bad hips and aging parents. You keep them because they're worth it, because you're worth it. Some things you keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate you grew up with, there are just some things that make life important... People you know are special. They are "Keepers" and you KEEP them close! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DOING THINGS DIFFERENTLY-Unknown I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time working. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them. I'm not "saving" anything; I use my good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a bet, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Rose blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank. "Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now. I'm not sure what others would've done had they known they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food was. I'm guessing; I'll never know. It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. I would regret and feel sad that I didn't tell my family often enough how much I truly love them. I'd be sorry I didn't let my friends know how much they mean to me; how they are part of my "extended" family. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and joy to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is a special day. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God. I not only believe in God's Miracles. I rely on them. Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance.. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GREATADVICE: ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. FOUR. When you say, "I love you", mean it. FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye. SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight. EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much. NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. Please No name-calling. ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives. TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly. THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?" FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. FIFTEEN. Say, "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions. EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DUST IF YOU MUST Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better To paint a picture, or write a letter, Bake a cake, or plant a seed. Ponder the difference between want and need. Dust if you must, but there's not much time, With rivers to swim and mountains to climb, Music to hear, and books to read, Friends to cherish, and a life to lead. Dust if you must, but the world's out there, With the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair, A flutter of snow, a shower of rain. This day will not come again. Dust if you must, but bear in mind, Old age will come, and it's not kind. And when you go, and go you must, You, yourself, will make more dust. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "DO NOT FORGET" I sat in a movie theater watching "Schindler's List," asked myself, "Why didn't the Jews fight back?" Now I know why. I sat in a movie theater, watching "Pearl Harbor" and asked myself, "Why weren't we prepared?" Now I know why. Civilized people cannot fathom, much less predict, the actions of evil people. On September 11, dozens of capable airplane passengers allowed themselves to be overpowered by a handful of poorly armed terrorists because they did not comprehend the depth of hatred that motivated their captors. On September 11, thousands of innocent people were murdered because too many Americans naively reject the reality that some nations are dedicated to the dominance of others. Many political pundits, pacifists and media personnel want us to forget the carnage. They say we must focus on the bravery of the rescuers and ignore the cowardice of the killers. They implore us to understand the motivation of the perpetrators. Major television stations have announced they will assist the healing process by not replaying devastating footage of the planes crashing into the Twin Towers. I will not be manipulated. I will not pretend to understand. I will not forget. I will not forget the liberal media who abused freedom of the press to kick our country when it was vulnerable and hurting. I will not forget that CBS anchor Dan Rather preceded President Bush's address to the nation with the snide remark, "No matter how you feel about him, he is still our president." I will not forget that ABC TV anchor Peter Jennings questioned President Bush's motives for not returning immediately to Washington, DC and commented, "We're all pretty skeptical and cynical about Washington." I will not isolate myself from my fellow Americans by pretending an attack on the USS Cole in Yemen was not an attack on the United States of America. I will not forget the Clinton administration equipped Islamic terrorists and their supporters with the world's most sohisticated telecommunications equipment and encryption technology, thereby compromising America's ability to trace terrorist radio, cell phone, land lines, faxes and modem communications. I will not be appeased with pointless, quick retaliatory strikes like those perfected by the previous administration. I will not be comforted by "feel-good, do nothing" regulations like the silly "Have your bags been under your control?" question at the airport. I will not be influenced by so called,"antiwar demonstrators" who exploit the right of expression to chant anti-American obscenities. I will not forget the moral victory handed the North Vietnamese by American war protesters, who reviled and spat upon the returning soldiers, airmen, sailors and Marines. I will not be softened by the wishful thinking of pacifists who chose reassurance over reality. I will embrace the wise words of Prime Minister Tony Blair who told Labor Party conference, "They have no moral inhibition on the slaughter of the innocent. If they could have murdered not 7,000 but 70,000, does anyone doubt they would have done so and rejoiced in it? There is no compromise possible with such people, no meeting of minds, no point of understanding with such terror. Just a choice: defeat it or be defeated by it. And defeat it we must!" I will force myself to: -hear the weeping -feel the helplessness -imagine the terror -sense the panic -smell the burning flesh - experience the loss - remember the hatred. I sat in a movie theater, watching "Private Ryan" and asked myself, "Where did they find the courage?" Now I know. We have no choice. Living without liberty is not living. Ed Evans,USMC (Ret.) Not as lean, Not as mean, But still a Marine. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The "MOST" and the "GREATEST" The most destructive habit..............................Worry The greatest Joy.............................................Giving The greatest loss......................Loss of self-respect The most satisfying work....................Helping others The ugliest personality trait....................Selfishness The most endangered species........Dedicated leaders Our greatest natural resource....................Our youth The greatest "shot in the arm"...........Encouragement The greatest problem to overcome......................Fear The most effective sleeping pill.........Peace of mind The most crippling failure disease................Excuses The most powerful force in life..........................Love The most dangerous pariah......................A gossiper The world's most incredible computer.......The brain The worst thing to be without......................... Hope The deadliest weapon.............................The tongue The two most power-filled words................. "I Can" The greatest asset.........................................Faith The most worthless emotion......................Self-pity The most beautiful attire................................SMILE! The most prized possession....................... Integrity The most powerful channel of communication.......Prayer The most contagious spirit....................Enthusiasm -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SUBJECT - SERVICE At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service." The act of doing things for other people. Then I heard the terms "Internal Revenue Service", "Postal Service"," Civil Service", "Service Stations"... And I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant. Then one day, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull "service" a few of his cows. SHAZAM!! (A flash of insight.) It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WORDS WOMEN USE: FINE ~ This is the word they use at the end of any argument that we feel they are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES ~ This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade. NOTHING ~ If you ask her what is wrong and she says NOTHING, this means something and you should be on your toes. NOTHING is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last FIVE MINUTES and end with the word FINE. GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) ~ This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over NOTHING and will end with the word FINE. GO AHEAD(normal eyebrows) ~ This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by NOTHING and FINE and she will talk to you in about FIVE MINUTES when she cools off. LOUD SIGH ~ This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over NOTHING. SOFT SIGH ~ Again, nota word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY ~ This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point in the near future,when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO ~ This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and,you shouldn't get a,"That's Okay." THANKS ~ A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say "you're welcome." THANKS A LOT ~ This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OBITUARY For Mr. COMMON SENSE Today, we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the name of Common Sense. Common Sense lived a long life but died in the United States, from heart failure, on the brink of the new millennium. No one really knows how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes and factories, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as: to know when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second. A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including body piercing, whole language, and "new math." But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus. In recent decades, his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of well intentioned but overbearing regulations. He watched in pain, as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion. Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from the Boy Scouts to professional sports. Finally, when a woman, failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, was awarded a huge settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel. As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding questionable regulations, such as those for low flow toilets, rocking chairs, and stepladders. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights, and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. --Author Unknown -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SOME TEXAS WISDOM 1. Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco. 2. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 3. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in. 4. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. 5. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. 6. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 7. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. 8. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. 9. Don't squat with your spurs on. 10. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. 11. Always drink upstream from the herd. 12. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 13. There are three kinds of people: The ones that learn by reading, the few who learn by observation, and the rest of them who have to touch the fire to see for themselves if it's really hot. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Money It can buy you a House But not a Home It can buy you a Bed But not sleep It can buy you a Clock But not Time It can buy you a Book But not Knowledge It can buy you a Position But not Respect It can buy you Fame But not Happiness It can buy you Medicine But not Health It can buy you Blood But not Life It can buy you Sex But not Love So you see, money isn't everything. And it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you this because you are my Friend, and as my Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering... So send me all of your money and I will suffer for you. Cash is fine. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CONSPIRACY: Have you noticed that lately everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become! And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader? I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people who used to be my own age are so much older than I am now. I ran into an old friend the other day and he has aged so much that he didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor old guy while I was shaving this morning, and I glanced at my own reflection... Well, REALLY NOW ... even mirrors are not made the way they used to be! Another thing -- everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror. The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling? I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here! All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?" Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!" A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping." A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter." A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: God Speaks Some new billboards are getting attention in Cleveland. Some reported seeing one or two messages, but the newspaper listed all of them.Here's a list of all variations of the "God Speaks" billboards. The billboards are a simple black backgroundwith white text. No fineprint or sponsoring organization is included. Tell the kids I love them. -God Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game. -God C'mon over and bring the kids. -God What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand? -God We need to talk. -God Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. -God Loved the wedding, now invite me into the marriage. -God That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant it. -God I love you and you and you and you and... -God Will the road you're on get you to my place? -God Follow me. -God Big bang theory?... You've got to be kidding!!! -God My way is the highway. -God Need directions? -God You think it's hot here? -God Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test. -God Do you have any idea where you're going? -God (And my personal favorite...) Don't make me come down there!!! -God -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Positive Side Of Life: Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live. Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open. Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them? Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us. If Walmart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet? You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person. Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once. Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened. We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "OLD GEEZERS (slang for an old man) ARE EASY TO SPOT: At sporting events, during the playing of the National Anthem, Old Geezers hold their caps over their hearts and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them. Old Geezers remember World War I, the Depression, World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal, Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing, not to mention Vietnam. If you bump into an Old Geezer on the sidewalk, he will apologize. If you pass an Old Geezer on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Geezers trust strangers and are courtly to women. Old Geezers hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection. Old Geezers get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like violence and filth on TV or in movies. Old Geezers have moral courage. They seldom brag unless it's about their grandchildren. It's the Old Geezers who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country. This country needs Old Geezers with their decent values. We need them now more than ever. Thank God for Old Geezers! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THERE ARE MANY DIFFERENT KINDS OF "TATERS." Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work. They are called "Speck Taters". Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work. They are called "Comment Taters". Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands. They are called "Dick Taters". Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet. They are called "Agie Taters". There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help. They are called "Hezzie Taters". Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not. They are called "Emma Taters". Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others. They are called "Sweet Taters". If you know any "Sweet Taters," give 'em a hug from Uncle Dugg and let 'em know I appreciate them. This old world could use a lot more "Sweet Taters." December 27, 2001 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- REMEMBER.... When the worst thing you could do at school was smoke in the bathrooms, flunk a test or chew gum. And the banquets were in the cafeteria and we danced to a juke box later, and all the girls wore fluffy pastel gowns and the boys wore suits for the first time and we were allowed to stay out till 12 p.m. When a '57 Chevy was everyone's dream car. . . to cruise, peel out, lay rubber and watch drag races, and people went steady and girls wore a class ring with an inch of wrapped dental floss or yarn coated with pastel frost nail polish so it would fit her finger. And no one ever asked where the car keys were 'cause they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked. And you got in big trouble if you accidentally locked the doors at home, since no one ever had a key. Remember lying on your back on the grass with your friends and saying things like "That cloud looks like a..." And playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game. Back then, baseball was not a psychological group learning experience-it was a game. Remember when stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals 'cause no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger. And...with all our progress...don't you just wish...just once...you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace...and share it with the children of the 80's and 90's .... So send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel & Hardy, Howdy Doody and The Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Belle, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk as well as the sound of a real mower on Saturday morning, and summers filled with bike rides, playing in cowboy land, baseball games, bowling and visits to the pool...and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar. When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home. Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive by shootings,drugs, gangs,etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we all survived because their love was greater than the threat. Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that! And was it really that long ago? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHY THE AMERICAN FLAG IS FOLDED 13 TIMES Have you ever noticed on TV or at military funerals that the honor guard pays meticulous attention to correctly folding the American flag 13 times? I've known how the 21 gun salute was determined (adding the individual digits of 1776), but only recently learned why the flag was folded 13 times when it is lowered or when it is folded and handed to the widow at the burial of a veteran. Here it is: The first fold of our flag is a symbol of life. The second fold is a symbol of our belief in eternal life. The third fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veterans departing our ranks who gave a portion of their lives for the defense of our country to attain peace throughout the world. The fourth fold represents our weaker nature, for as American citizens trusting in God, it is to Him we turn in times of peace as well as in time of war for His divine guidance. The fifth fold is a tribute to our country, for in the words of Stephen Decatur, "Our Country, in dealing with other countries, may she always be right; but it is still our country, right or wrong." The sixth fold is for where our hearts lie. It is with our heart that we pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States Of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all. The seventh fold is a tribute to our Armed Forces, for it is through the Armed Forces that we protect our country and our flag against all her enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of our republic. The eighth fold is a tribute to the one who entered into the valley of the shadow of death, that we might see the light of day, and to honor mother, for whom it flies on Mother's Day. The ninth fold is a tribute to womanhood; for it has been through their faith, their love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great has been molded. The tenth fold is a tribute to the father, for he, too, has given his sons and daughters for the defense of our country since they were first born. The eleventh fold, in the eyes of a Hebrew citizen represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon, and glorifies in their eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The twelfth fold, in the eyes of a Christian citizen, represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies, in their eye, God, the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit. When the flag is completely folded, the stars are uppermost reminding us of our nation's motto, "In God We Trust." After the flag is completely folded and tucked in, it takes on the appearance of a cocked hat, ever reminding us of the soldiers who served under General George Washington, and the sailors and marines who served under Captain John Paul Jones, who were followed by their comrades and shipmates in the Armed Forces of the United States, preserving for us then rights, privileges, and freedoms we enjoy today. There are some traditions and ways of doing things which have deep meaning. You will see many flags folded in the coming weeks, and now you will know why. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The following may offend you if you are one of those people who always find fault with this country and the way we do things.If you're Politically Correct and constantly worry about making someone mad with an action or a statement,tune out now, because if you stay, you will be in a bad mood when I'm through.I don't know the person who wrote this, but his name is Barry Loudermilk and I salute him for his efforts. Before we get to Mr. Loudermilk's remarks, a few things here to make note of. Broken Arrow, Oklahoma School officials remove "God Bless America" signs from schools in fear that someone might be offended. Channel 12 News in Long Island, New York, orders flags removed from the newsroom and red, white, and blue ribbons removed from the lapels of reporters. Why? Management did not want to appear biased and felt that our nations flag might give the appearance that "they lean one way or another". Berkeley, California bans U.S. Flags from being displayed on city fire trucks because they didn't want to offend anyone in the community. In an "act of tolerance" the head of the public library at Florida Gulf Coast University ordered all "Proud to be an American" signs removed so as to not offend international students. Mr Loudermilk writes.... I, for one, am quite disturbed by these actions of so-called American citizens; and I am tired of this nation worrying about whether or not we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on September 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Americans. However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled in New York and Washington D.C. when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others. I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to America. In fact, our country's population is almost entirely comprised of descendants of immigrants; however, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some native Americans, need to understand. First of all, it is not our responsibility to continually try not to offend you in any way. This idea of America being a multi-cultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Americans, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language, and our own lifestyle. This culture, called the "American Way" has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom. Our forefathers fought, bled, and died at places such as Bunker Hill, Antietam, San Juan, Iwo Jima, Normandy,Korea, Vietnam,We speak English, not Spanish, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn our language! "In God We Trust" is our national motto. This is not some off-the-wall, Christian, Right Wing, political slogan - it is our national motto. It is engraved in stone in the House of Representatives in our Capitol and it is printed on our currency. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation; this is clearly documented throughout our history. If it is appropriate for our motto to be inscribed in the halls of our highest level of Government, then it is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. God is in our pledge, our National Anthem, nearly every patriotic song, and in our founding documents. We honor His birth, death, and resurrection as holidays, and we turn to Him in prayer in times of crisis. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture and we are proud to have Him. We are proud of our heritage and those who have so honorably defended our freedoms. We celebrate Independence Day, Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and Flag Day. We have parades, picnics, and barbecues where we proudly wave our flag. As an American, I have the right to wave my flag, sing my national anthem, quote my national motto, and cite my pledge whenever and wherever I choose. If the Stars and Stripes offend you, or you don't like Uncle Sam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. The American culture is our way of life, our heritage, and we are proud of it. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from. We are Americans, like it or not, this is our country, our land, and our lifestyle. Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion about our government, culture, or society, and we will allow you every opportunity to do so. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about our flag, our pledge, our national motto, or our way of life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great American freedom, the right to leave. -Barry Loudermilk -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I AM THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA I am the flag of the United States of America. My name is Old Glory. I fly atop the world's tallest buildings. I stand watch in America's halls of justice. I fly majestically over institutions of learning. I stand guard with power in the world. Look up and see me. I stand for peace, honor, truth and justice. I stand for freedom. I am confident. I am arrogant. I am proud. When I am flown with my fellow banners, my head is a little higher, my colors a little truer. I bow to no one! I am recognized all over the world. I am worshipped - I am saluted. I am loved - I am revered. I am respected-and I am feared. I have fought in every battle of every war for more then 200 years. I was flown at Valley Forge, Gettysburg, Shiloh and Appomattox. I was there at San Juan Hill, the trenches of France, the beaches of Normandy, Guam and Okinawa. The people of Korea, Vietnam and Kuwait know me as a banner of freedom. I was there. I led my troops, I was dirty, battleworn and tired, but my soldiers cheered me And I was proud. I have been burned, torn and trampled on the streets of countries I have helped set free. It does not hurt,for I am invincible. I have slipped the bonds of Earth and stood watch over the uncharted frontiers of space from my vantage point on the moon. I have borne silent witness to all of America's finest hours. But my finest hours are yet to come. When I am torn into strips and used as bandages for my wounded comrades on the battlefield, When I am flown at half-mast to honor my countryman, when I lie in the trembling arms of a grieving parent at the grave of their fallen son or daughter, or in the arms of a child or spouse who will have to go on without one who gave their life in a national disaster to save the life of another,as so many did at the Pentagon or the World Trade Center Towers on September 11, 2001. MY NAME IS OLD GLORY, LONG MAY I WAVE. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I dedicate this to all those who have lost a loved one. I WISH YOU ENOUGH By Bob Perks Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy." They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked. "I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead, and the reality is, the next trip back will be for my funeral," he said. "When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?" He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory: "I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish you enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye." I wish you enough. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On June 5 1973, Canadian radio commentator Gordon Sinclair decided he'd had enough of the stream of criticism and negative press recently directed at the United States of America by foreign journalists (primarily over America's long military involvement in Vietnam, which had ended with the signing of the Paris Peace Accords six months earlier). The following are his words, appropriate even today. [Mr. Sincalir died July, 2002] THE AMERICANS: "Germany, Japan and, to a lesser extent, Britain and Italy were lifted out of the debris of war by the Americans who poured in billions of dollars and forgave other billions in debts. None of these countries is today paying even the interest on its remaining debts to the United States. When France was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the Americans who propped it up, and their reward was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I saw it. When earthquakes hit distant cities, it is the United States that hurried in to help. This spring, 59 American communities were flattened by tornadoes. Nobody helped. The Marshall Plan and the Truman Policy pumped billions of dollars into discouraged countries. Now newspapers in those countries are writing about the decadent, warmongering Americans. I'd like to see just one of those countries that is gloating over the erosion of the United States dollar build its own airplane. Does any other country in the world have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tri-Star, or the Douglas DC-10? If so, why don't they fly them? Why do all the International airlines except Russia fly American planes? Why does no other land on earth even consider putting a man or woman on the moon? You talk about Japanese technocracy, and you get radios. You talk about German technocracy, and you get automobiles. You talk about American technocracy, and you find men on the moon -- not once, but several times -- and safely home again. When the railways of France, Germany and India were breaking down through age, it was the Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went broke, nobody loaned them an old caboose. Both are still broke. I can name you 5,000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble. Can you name me even one time when someone else raced to the Americans in trouble? I don't think there was outside help even during the San Francisco earthquake. Our neighbors have faced it alone, and I'm one Canadian who is damned tired of hearing them get kicked around. They will come out this thing with their flag high. And when they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose and the lands that are gloating over thier present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of those." Stand proud, America! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dugg's note: So many have asked for a printed version of this. It is my pleasure to provide it to you. RED SKELTON'S , "PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE" TO OUR FLAG: As a schoolboy, one of Red Skelton's teachers explained the words and meaning of the Pledge of Allegiance to his class. Skelton later wrote down, and eventually recorded, his recollection of this lecture. It is followed by an observation of his own. I - - Me; an individual; a committee of one. Pledge - - Dedicate all of my worldly goods to give without self-pity. Allegiance - - My love and my devotion. To the Flag - - Our standard; Old Glory; a symbol of Freedom; wherever she waves there is respect, because your loyalty has given her a dignity that shouts, Freedom is everybody's job. United - - That means that we have all come together. States of America- - Individual communities that have united into forty-eight great states. Forty-eight individual communities with pride and dignity and purpose. All divided with imaginary boundaries, yet united to a common purpose, and that is love for country. And to the Republic - - a state in which sovereign power is invested in representatives chosen by the people to govern. And government is the people; and it's from the people to the leaders, not from the leaders to the people. For which it stands One Nation - meaning, so blessed by God. Indivisible - - Incapable of being divided. With Liberty - - Which is Freedom; the right of power to live one's own life, without threats, fear, or some sort of retaliation. And Justice - - The principle, or qualities, of dealing fairly with others. For All - which means, boys and girls, it's as much your country as it is mine. And now, boys and girls, let me hear you recite the Pledge of Allegiance: I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic, for which it stands; one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Since I was a small boy, two states have been added to our country, and two words have been added to the Pledge of Allegiance: Under God. Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer, and that would be eliminated from schools, too? Red Skelton -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark...and this is what I learned. One: Don't miss the boat. Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat. Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. Six: Build your future on high ground. Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs. Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs. Nine: When you're stressed, float awhile. Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals. Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there is always arainbow waiting. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Since the Pledge of Allegiance and The Lord's Prayer are not allowed in most public school anymore because the word "God" is mentioned....a kidin Arizona wrote the attached NEW School prayer. I liked it....hope you do too. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- New School Prayer.... Now I sit me down in school Where praying is against the rule For this great nation under God Finds mention of Him very odd. If Scripture now the class recites, It violates the Bill of Rights. And anytime my head I bow Becomes a Federal matter now. Our hair can be purple, orange or green, That's no offense; it's a freedom scene. The law is specific, the law is precise. Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice. For pra, , , , , , ,, ,, , ,,, , , , , , , , , ,, , ,, ,, ,, , , , , , , ying in a public hall Might offend s, omeone with no faith at all. In silence alone we must meditate, God's name is prohibited by the state. We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks, And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks. They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible. To quote the Good Book makes me liable. We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen, And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King. It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong, We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong. We can get our condoms and birth controls, Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles. But the Ten Commandments are not allowed, No word of God must reach this crowd. It's scary here I must confess, When chaos reigns the school's a mess. So, Lord, this silent plea I make: Should I be shot; My soul please take! Amen -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RAGGED OLD FLAG Johnny Cash I walked through a county courthouse square, On a park bench an old man was sitting there. I said, Your old courthouse is kinda run down. He said, Naw, it'll do for our little town. I said, Your flagpole has leaned a little bit, And that's a Ragged Old Flag you got hanging on it. He said, Have a seat, and I sat down. Is this the first time you've been to our little town? I said, I think it is. He said, I don't like to brag, But we're kinda proud of that Ragged Old Flag. You see, we got a little hole in that flag ther, e, when Washingt, on took it across the Delaware. And it got powder-burned the night Francis Scott Key Sat watching it writing "Oh Say Can You See". And it got a bad rip in New Orleans, with Packingham and Jackson tuggin' at its seams. And it almost fell at the Alamo, beside the Texas flag, but she waved on. She got cut with a sword at Chancellorsville and,she got cut again at Shiloh Hill. There was Robert E. Lee, Beauregard, and Bragg, and the south wind blew hard on tha, t Ragged Old Flag. On Flanders Field in World War I,She got a big hole from a Bertha gun. She turned blood red in World War II.She hung limp and low by the time it was through. She was in Korea and Vietnam. She went where she was sent by her Uncle Sam. She waved from our ships upon the briny foam, and now, they've about quit waving her back here at home. In her own good land she's been abused She's been burned, dishonored, denied and refused. And the government for which she stands,is scandalized throughout the land. And she's getting threadbare and wearing thin, But she's in good shape for the shape she's in. 'Cause she's been through the fire before,and I believe she can take a whole lot more. So we raise her up every morning, Take her down every night. We don't let her touch the ground and we fold her up right. On second thought I DO like to brag, 'Cause I'm mighty proud....of that Ragged Old Flag. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WAITING - Author Unknown For those who dump animals on the side of the road, this is for you. I want you to see what you leave behind and, the sorrow of it all. A dog sits waiting, in the Summer sun, Too faithful to leave, too frightened to run. He's been there for days now, with nothing to do, But sit by the road, waiting for you. He can't remember, why you left him that day, He thought that you, were stopping to play. He's sure you'll come back, that's why he stays, How long will he suffer? How many more days? His legs have grown weak, his throat parched and dry, He's sick now from hunger and falls with a sigh. He lays down his head and closes his eyes, I wish you could see, how a waiting dog dies. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A.S.A.P. - Author Unknown Ever wondered about the abbreviation, A.S.A.P.? We usually t, hin,,k of it in terms of "hurry up," and "stress" in our lives. "Do this or that A.S.A.P." "Respond to this, A.S.A.P.!" "I need you in my office, A.S.A.P." Maybe if we look at this abbreviation in a different manner, we will begin to find a new way to deal with those rough days along the way. There's work to do, deadlines to meet, You've got no time to spare. But as you hurry and scurry, A.S.A.P. - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER. In the midst of family chaos, Quality time is rare. Do your best, let God do the rest, A.S.A.P. - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER. It may seem like your worries, Are more than you can bear. Slow down and take abreather, A.S.A.P. - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER. God knows how stressful life is, He wants to ease our cares. and, He'll respond, A.S.A.P. - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DAD AND ME - Dugg , Collins I have noticed over the years, my youngest son Aubrey has inherited a lot of my personality. Don't know if that's good or bad, but he has. As a small child, I would hear him saying things I had said, walking a certain way and finding humor in just about everything. Even today, as a grown man, I hear him talking to his two children Lynde & Lane and, I keep hearing myself in his voice. On the morning of February 6, 1996, I was driving in my pickup by myself and the following started coming to me in Aubrey's voice, so I pulled over to the side of the road and wrote it all down as I was hearing it. The following is what he said to me. I was always by his side, when I was just a kid. Trying hard to copy, everything he did. He was my inspiration, he was my best friend. It's still the same with us today, as it was way back then. He taught me the difference, between right and wrong. He instilled in me his morals and values, that seem to keep me strong. He helped me to survive, a broken heart or two. He knew exactly how I felt, 'cause he was young once too. From him,I learned, a lot of country songs. And how to play the guitar, so I could sing along. My Dad's a little older now, the years have flown away. But his smile and sense of humor, still comfort me each day. He loves to have his Grandkids, snuggled closely, by his side. From time to time, I see a tear, , he just can't seem to hide. I know that he's remembering, the times we shared back then. When I did my best to copy, everything he did. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- BEFORE I WAS A MOM - Author Unknown You have heard me speak many times, of my Grand Children. Their names are Rachel, Rebecca, Lynde, Lane and Jack. Possibly, you have heard about Jack a lot because of his hard beginnings in life. By the time he was four months old, he had already gone through many traumatic events in life, including open heart surgery. My oldest Daughter Lorrie is Jack's Mom. She was always focused on a career and, to my surprise, she decided to become a Mother. I had always told her, one of the great joys of living, was having your own children. She sent me this reading and I know there's a lot of Mom's out there who can really appreciate....BEFORE I WAS A MOM. BEFORE I WAS A MOM, I made and ate hot meals, I had unstained clothing, I had quiet conversations on the phone. BEFORE I WAS A MOM, I slept as late as I wanted and, never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday. BEFORE I WAS A MOM,I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to lullabies. BEFORE I WAS A MOM, I didn't know whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations. BEFORE I WAS A MOM, I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on, peed on, chewed on or pinched by tiny fingers. BEFORE I WAS A MOM, I had complete control of my mind, my thoughts, my life and I slept all night. BEFORE I WAS A MOM, I never held down a screaming child so that Doctors could do tests or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep. BEFORE I WAS A MOM, I never held a sleeping baby. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew something so small, could affect my life so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom. BEFORE I WAS A MOM, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a,Mother and her child. I didn't know that something that small, could make me feel so important. BEFORE I WAS A MOM, I had not gotten up in the middle of the night, every ten minutes, to make sure everything was ok. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderful feeling or, the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, BEFORE I WAS A MOM. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PRICE OF A CHILD - Author Unknown The Government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to age 18 and came up with $160,140.00 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition. For those with kids, that figure leads to wild fantasies about all the thing, s you would have bought, all the places you could have traveled, all the money you could have banked. For others, that number might confirm the decision to remain childless. In my opinion, $160,140.00 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896.66 a year. $741.38 per month. $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.44 a day...just over a dollar an hour. Still, you might think the best financial advice says, "Don't have children, if you want to be rich." It's just the opposite. Here's what you get for your $160,140.00. *Naming rights, First, Middle, Last. *Glimpses of God everyday. *Giggles under the cover at night. *Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs. *More love than your heart can hold. *Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds and warm cookies. *A hand to hold, usually covered with jam. *A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sandcastles and skipping down the sidewalk in pouring rain. *Someone to laugh yourelf silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day. *For $160,140.00, you never have to grow up. *You get to finger paint, carve pumpkins, play hide and seek, catch lightning bugs and, never stop believing in the impossible. *You have an excuse to keep reading the advantures of Piglet, Pooh and Tigger too. Watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies and wishing on stars. *You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets. and collect spray-painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, handprints set in clay for Mother's Day and cards with backward letters for Fat, her's Day. **FOR $160,140.00...THERE'S NO GREATER BANG FOR YOUR BUCK. *You get to be a hero for retrieving a Frisbes off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off a bike, removing a sliver, filling the wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs and coaching a baseball team that never wins, but always gets treated to ice cream anyway. *You get front row seats to history, to witness the first steps, first words, first bra, first date, first time behind the wheel. *You get to be immortal. *You get another branch added to your family tree and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren. *You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, , communications and human sexuality that no college course can match. In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God. *You have the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever and love without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GROWING OLD - Dugg Collins I walk a little slower now, than I really think I should, Is that spark of youth I once had, really gone for good? Are my fading eyes missing, what youthful eyes seem to see, or, is it simply that I've seen before, everything in front of me. Does my mind too often wander, in a backard sort of view, to simpler days, simpler ways and that young boy I once knew. I guess he's gone forever, that young man of myyouth, I no longer see him in my mirror and it's time to face the truth. But even now, in my minds eye, I can see his face so bold, alas, the mirror shows the truth, I'm a man who's growing old. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4200 North Old Lawrence Road Wichita, KS 67219 Phone: 316-838-9141 Fax: 316-838-3607 Lobby Hours: M-F 8:00 - 5:30 Studio Line - 436-1070