Every year Forbes puts together the actual cost if you were to buy all the items of the ‘legit’ 12 Days Of Christmas. But nobody has taken the time to research the cost of the REDNECK 12 Days Of Christmas……….until now.
Let’s start from the top:
12 Pack of Bud(weiser):
$10.99 on sale at local area Dillon’s stores
11 ‘Rasslin Tickets:
We have a couple of options here. We can either go to ‘Smackdown’ here in Wichita for as low as $45 next month…
Ooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, we could choose to go to the Royal Rumble in Houston, TX the following week for only $39 ticket. Yeah, let’s do that…
11 x $39 = $390
10 (Tin) Of Copenhagen:
This lyric has been debated for almost 2 decades now. While it fills the number ’10’ slot like the classic version, a can of chewing tobacco is often reffered to as a ‘tin’, so…
$4.30 per tin at QT
10 of Copenhagen = $430
9 Years Probation:
Here is my thought for this, so bear with me.
If you are on probation for NINE years, first off what did you do? You also must have had a lenient judge and a pretty good attorney to kleep you out of jail. As I look at it, if you are going to be on probation instead of going to the clink, you are clearly saving the state some serious money on food and housing.
In Kansas it costs $18,207/year to house an inmate. Over nine years that works out to $163.863 saved.
HOWEVER, obviously you are going to need to be supervised and that is where your probation officer comes in and the median salary for a probation officer is $48,190. Over nine years that is $433,710.
Calculating your out-of-jail credit, your probation is costing the state $269,847!
8 Table Dancers:
What makes people have the desire to dance on tables? TEQUILA!!
At Auburn Hills Liquor, Jose Cuervo is on sale for $29.99 for a 1.75 ML, or handle. That handle has enough for roughly 40 shots. Divided by 8 people that works out to 5 shots a piece.
Using the old BAC calculator I learned about in college, each shot contains roughly 0.02 of BAC per shot. 5 shots would raise you BAC to 0.10, making you legally drunk. That should make you dance on a table.
8 table dancers = 1 1.75L bottle of Jose Cuervo = $29.99
7 Packs Of Redman:
$7.09 per pack at Kwik Shop x 7
$49.63 for 7 packs of Redman
6 Cans Of Spam:
$17.88 for 6 cans of Spam
5 Flannel Shirts:
According to Walmart.com
$8.00 x 5 = $40.00
4 Big Mud Tires:
Part of me wanted to be practical here and get something that would be good for both in the mud and not get completely chewed up on the highway. And then I thought, WWARD (what would a redneck do) and I did what any good redneck would do and ordered a set of 4 BFGoodrich Krawlers. YEAH!!!
As you can see with free shipping, 4 bud mud tires will cost $2650.00
3 Shotgun Shells:
25 shells per box
.87 for 3 shotgun shells
2 Hunting Dogs:
Any good hunter will tell you that the best hunting dog out there is the English Setter. From gundogbreeders.com
Later in the post it lists them as $700/each
2 hunting dogs = $1400
Parts To A Mustang GT:
That could be literally anything, so let’s keep it simple.
$1,000 for Mustang GT parts
So let’s tally all this up.
In 2019, the Redneck 12 Days Of Christmas will run you approximately